Author's Note: At the Long Beach show, Chromie saw that Brian played with Rivers's guitar: "Brian, though I didn't see the impossible bend (I really hope he didn't do it and I missed it), it was cool to see him play Rivers's black stickered guitar (awww, they share!!!) and during "Buddy Holly," he looked at the people in the seats while smiling, and I saw him mouth the words, 'Oh, wow.' That made my night."
So, WRawk, being the doof that she is...
~~~
[shakes head] the truth comes out-->
Brian: [eyes large and innocent] Rivers?
Rivers: [turns around slowly]
Brian: Um...well...[looks down and shuffles feet] I-I was wondering...
Rivers: [coldly] Yes?
Brian: I-I...borrow...[squeak] guitar?
Rivers: [eyes narrow and nostrils flare]
Brian: [quivers meekly]
Rivers: [quietly] The special one? The one with the Sanrio and Sailor Mars stickers?
Brian: [brightens] Yeah!
Rivers: [Silence]
Then...
Rivers: [bitch slaps Brian's ass down] Bitch! Don't you ever, EVER ask me that again! You hear me?! EVER!!!
Brian: [weeps sadly into a hanky]
Mikey: Hey, Rivers, if you guys shared, it might score you babes.
Rivers: [becomes fuzzily silent] ...Really?
Mikey: Yeah. Chicks dig that stuff. They think it's "cute". Hehehe.
Rivers: [hurls the guitar spastically at Brian's head; claps] Hurry up everyone. We have a rehearsal to do! [struts primly away]
~~~
Part Deux
Brian: [continues weeping delicately into the hanky; takes the "special guitar" and cradles it tenderly; begins finger plucking "My Name Is Jonas"]
Rivers: [irritably] For God sakes, don't you know how to play anything but that damned intro?!
Brian: [bottom lip protrudes and begins to tremble lightly] But you never let me--
Rivers: Oh, shut up!
Brian: Okay.
[Mikey enters with Pat]
Mikey: Wow. I just found out that I have another kid. Arizona this time. Huh. [scratches head] Did we even play Arizona?
Pat: [absent-mindedly fiddling with his drum sticks] I think we stopped there once on a bathroom break.
Mikey: Oh. That explains it.
Rivers: [becomes intensly irritated and sensitive] People! People! [claps primly] I want these songs laid out by tomorrow. [crosses arms and becomes huffy and womanly]
Mikey: Wow, Riv. You really need to get laid.
Rivers: ...
Mikey: [muches on Fritos]
Rivers: ...
Mikey: [munches obliviously]
Rivers: ...
Mikey: [notices Rivers staring at him with murder in his eyes; mouth full] What? You want some? [shoves bag right underneath Rivers's nose]
Rivers: [spazzes quickly yet violently. Fritos fly this way and that; composes himself neatly and puts another sticker on his guitar to calm his nerves; trying to breathe evenly] We...are...[plasters sticker] going...[smoothes it with his thumb] to finish these songs by tomorrow. Understood?
[Silence. Pat burps]
Rivers: Good. Let's start.
Brian: [gets excited and jumps up and does the "impossible bend"]
Rivers: [alarmed] Stop that, you supple vegan beanpole! You might upstage me! [slaps Brian for the hell of it]
[Brian gets all quiet and shit.]
[Mikey is already wandering out the door, lured by the scent of women.]
[Pat has stuck his sticks up each nostril while screaming, "FUGAZI!!!" at the top of his lungs.]
[Mikey can be heard whining in the corner, "Why can't we have a Weezer Happy Meal or something?"]
[Rivers desperately stuffs a Valium into his mouth]
THE END
