Christmas celebration (ooh-ooh)
And all around the nation (ooh-ooh)
Won't you stay with me tonight
'Cause I'm running out of fight
And the pageantry is such a bore (ooh-ooh)
Carolers are singing (ooh-ooh)
Registers ca-chinging (ooh-ooh)
And the presents are in place
But I'd rather eat some mace
'Cause the eggnog always makes me sick

(Bridge) You know how the story goes
You've seen it all before
The man is so obese
That he can't get out the door

Christmas to perfection (ooh-ooh)
I'm beggin' for some action (ooh-ooh)
And the ringing in my ears
Is the sound of Christmas cheer
And they've knocked me screaming overboard

(Repeat Bridge)